donderdag 13 augustus 2009

Confusion attack + Altered consciousness

Today without doubt the weirdest day of the week, holding some of the weirdest mind-trip I ever had.(and I've had my fair share already tbh) My educated guess is that my mind wanted to surprise me with something entertaining to celebrate my one week into uberman. This is what happened:

4AM (wednesday 12 aug, aka yesterday): Had my first real dream-nap (as described in last post) My mind surprised me for first time, by making 15 minutes seem like hours.

8AM: I went to nap like any other time, and maybe I was getting a little bit too confident about uberman, because he made it quite clear that uberman's not someone to take lightly after all. I'm afraid I can't go into accurate description, because my memory completely fails me on this one. I don't know what woke me up, but for reason it was 30 minutes later than it was supposed to be. I had slept for 50 minutes, so I overslept 30 minutes. The most logical way that it could have happened is like this: My alarm went off at 8:20, I sleepwalked out of my bed to put it off, and I went in my bed again. It's a total riddle to me though, because I'm very sure that I put that alarm on. It's a pretty damn loud alarm, so I think it's improbable that I slept through it. (it keeps on going for 10 minutes)
Lucky I have my second alarm, although for some reason I can't remember that it was that waking me up, since it's kinda illogical that I woke up 50 minutes in the sleep, when I put my second alarm on 25 minutes. (5 minutes after my first alarm)
Anyway, I don't know how it happened, but when I was conscious of it, it was 8:50. This is pretty weird for me, because I've never experienced unconscious actions and memory loss like this before. I don't really care so much that I overslept for half an hour. It's the first time that I oversleep in my schedule, and it's not a rediculous amount of time. Although I did feel tired after this 50min nap, I don't feel like it will have much of an influence on the overall progress to adjustment. The thing that surprises me the most when I read blogs and reports of people trying uberman, is that they all have big problems with oversleeping for several hours, and they all say that they had no control over it. I think I've had an episode of this, although I already came up with a tactic to tackle it if it would happen again in the future. I'll put a small container of eyedrops on my first alarm, so I have no choice to encounter that in my waking-up process. I hope that even when I'm unconscious, it might bring me to consciousness just taking the eyedrops off the alarm before putting it off. Hopefully it will trigger me to put some eyedrops in, which is a sure awakencall, because they sting on the eyes very strongly. Because I haven't said anythign fancy for quite a while, I'll do that now. This brand of eyedrops is actually kind of unique. In Japan, people put in eyedrops as part of culture when they feel like their eyes are getting tired. I got the ones I use from a Japanese female friend, while I was there. She thought the way how I put eyedrops in my eye, and how I reacted to them, pretty hilarious for some reason, so she bought me the strongest type of eyedrops that's available on the market. They're kind of notorious, because people from Japan put them on ebay and sell them abroad. It's a very good ally anyhow.

My next three naps were pretty normal, and I woke up like every time exactly when my first
alarm went off, without any trouble waking up. Weird thing is that I wasn't dreaming again during these, and in contrast to my dreaming nap at 4am where I woke up fresh, I woke up feeling tired from these naps. On the next nap after those three, the one at midnight, was when the really WEIRD stuff started happening again. I 'wake up' standing up straight in my room, 10
minutes after my first alarm should have gone off, with my second alarm (radio) going off (should have been going off for 5 minutes already while I was standing there). The state of mind that I was in at that time is very hard to describe, but let me just call it a confusion attack. Everyone has had a time in his life where he's confused about something. It's something trivial, not something that you really give any attention to when it happens. This type of confusion was a very differnt kind of animal though. Firstly: I was thinking in terms of the computergame that I had been playing during the past day for quite some hours. I was thinking in terms of enemy base, friendly base, skills, hero kills etc, and even though I knew I was standing in my room, those thoughts seemed natural. I was also in the assumption that it was just time
for my nap. I stood there staring at my clock that said 00:33 or something for several minutes, trying to make sense of the time, because I was pretty certain that it was nap-time now. That
the time was not in
accordance to nap time, was something that I was unable to get. For some reason I also tried putting out the earphones of my mp3player out of my ears SEVERAL times, but I wasn't even wearing any! Then very slowly things started making sense, I realized that my second alarm was going off (was radio, so I didn't identify it as alarm when I was in confusion mode). Things started falling into place, and I felt pretty weird about it...

(Disclaimer: In the next paragraph, I don't guarantee that any of the New-Age bullcrap I say is the truth. It's how I perceive things, and you shouldn't take my word for it until you experience the structure of mind and body for yourself) It is known that when you adjust to a polyphasic sleeping pattern, your mind is your single worst enemy. Most people in this world are slaves of their mind. People who are identified with their own minds, think their thoughts are coming fro
m themselves, so they can't be lying. Many people exploring the planes of consciousness have found out on the other hand, that the information of the thoughts you're getting from your mind, is often very misleading. Mind and ego go hand in hand. Ego is a creation of the mind, and the thoughts you're getting from your mind, have a very agenda of their own, protecting that ego. Your ego is that part of you that's creating your desires. Your desire to be safe, your desire to control, your desire to get approval etc... The desires of the ego most often come from a standpoint of scarcity. For example, a person who identifies with his ego wants the biggest piece of the pizza/pie, as if it's the last meal he'll ever have. It wants to get approval from it's surroundings, because it thinks that without it, he will be seen as burden and will be ruthlessly killed by even friends. The ego knows no love, it wants to survive and reproduce. It's goal is self-preservation. The reason why I'm saying all this weird stuff, is because I think it's the reason for my mind acting so weird on me here. I've never before ignored the wants of my ego and mind so ruthlessly as during this week. I am ignoring and ignoring and ignoring my minds demand to go to sleep, because the ego is fundamentally uncreative, and can't see any other possibilities than the things as they have always been. During this week, I am slowly but surely turning my mind and ego from a master into a servant. The ego does not like this and is fighting for his life. I think weird states of mind like the ones I had today were the result of this unstableness.
There's another indication why this might be true. In a post of a few days ago, I described thoughts and feelings from mind and body as the fog that's in the way to get to real consciousness, freedom and happiness. I think you can make a nice metaphor of attempting a polyphasic sleeping rhythm like uberman. It's probably doing to this fog what a flamethrower does to a cloud of gas. In the last 5 days or so, I am experiencing very hightened awareness and consciousness. I'm pretty sure the fog is clearing up a very little bit.

My last nap I had at 4am an hour ago, was without doubt the best nap I've had so far. I had a very vivid, nice dream that seemed to last hours. I woke up easily from my alarm and I felt very fresh and energetic, like these naps are supposed to be. I wonder if it's coincidence that my first real dream was also in the 4am nap.

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